disparate.info

Coming Out In the Strangest of Ways

Erick — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:38:06 +0000

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that I was gay. Growing up in a conservative Christian family that was very active in the Church, this fact was a constant struggle, something I fought tirelessly and endlessly to disguise. I dated girls occasionally, but never for any extended period of time or with any legitimate interest on my part. Instead, it was simply one component of the elaborate facade I built to “protect” myself and hide my secret.

Growing up in an environment where homosexuality was regularly derided as sinful, as a sure path to damnation, the question of whether or not to keep on living was ever-present. The misery that hiding, that being the unwitting target of jokes and ridicule, that lying to everyone around me brought with it was often so overwhelming that suicide seemed the only solution. If I couldn’t be happy with something I had no choice of being in the first place, what was the point in continuing on?

I’d love to say that college was a turning point, that I found acceptance, that I moved past the self-loathing and depression that burying something so fundamental as one’s sexuality so deeply imparts, but I’d be lying to myself and anyone who reads this. Without a doubt, life was easier, but only in a relatively small way. I developed a few meaningful, significant friendships and was able to reveal my secret to a small handful of people, but to most of my acquaintances, my coworkers, and, most importantly, my family, I maintained and fortified the facade I’d grown relatively comfortable with. Through the wonders of self-medication, both by licit and illicit means, I could largely “suppress” the thoughts of suicide, and being an exceptional procrastinator also allows me to type this today.

Granting my faith great power over my life, I prayed regularly and fervently for forgiveness for my sinful thoughts and attractions, prayed and pleaded that I would be cleansed of my homosexuality, as if such a thing could ever happen. As if I, or anyone else, would choose such a lifestyle so prone to ridicule, emotional turmoil, and physical threat. Late into my twenties, I carried on this way, hoping that one day, my prayers would be answered, knowing all the while that such was as likely as prayers to change an innate physical characteristic would be answered. I had as much choice in being gay as I did in being tall, having brown eyes, or possessing a genetic predisposition to baldness. It wasn’t until the spring of 2011, shortly before my 27th birthday, that I was able to accept what I’d known for nearly twenty years.

As important a step as acceptance is, such a change does not relieve much of the burden of being gay. Family does not simply acquiesce, abandoning religious conviction, societal misconceptions, or prejudices. Though I’d come to terms with my sexuality, I still had no intention of coming out to my family. Out of concern for my mother’s health, not wanting to damage my close relationship with her, and hoping not to further strain an already fraught relationship with my father, I was perfectly content to continue living a double life, which brings me to the point of the preceding 500+ words.

Having grown more comfortable with myself over a number of months, and having built a small network of friends for whom my sexuality was a non-issue, I grew increasingly agitated by the deception of, and care needed to maintain, the illusion I’d perpetuated for so many years. Simply discussing a state’s decision to permit or ban same-sex unions, or the military’s eventual move to repeal “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” was inconceivable, for fear that doing so may inadvertently out me. This agitation grew to an unsustainable level at the worst of all times, however: while on a family vacation 1,000 miles from home, far from understanding and potentially-consoling friends, where escape was almost impossible.

On the third day of said vacation, a friend shared a link on Facebook to @AreYouSuprised’s video in which he comes out to his father. Sneaking away to watch it, I simply couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d done, what it represented. In particular, his father’s response struck me. Here was someone whom I’d expected would react as I always assumed my family would: in anger and condemnation, severing all connections for perpetuity. Instead, Randy’s father responded with love. That stark contrast between expectation and reality played no small part in the events of one memorable September evening with my family.

As I sat inside reading something from my Kindle, my parents and brother sat out on the porch discussing money I’d borrowed from my brother and had yet to repay. Believing the sliding glass door to be far more soundproof than it actually was, they carried on a conversation that criticized nearly everything that comprises my life and makes me the person I am. As their discussion continued seemingly without end, my anger grew to the point where I was physically shaking, wholly unable to focus, and desperately seeking an escape. I began packing my bags, prepared an airline reservation, and was seconds away from purchasing the ticket when they all came inside. My brother, noticing my luggage, immediately asked what was wrong. Exclaiming that I’d heard the entire conversation and no longer cared to share what was meant to be an enjoyable vacation in South Carolina with people I’d felt so betrayed by, I simply asked for a ride to the airport. Instead of granting the request, an argument ensued.

As invective and vitriol spewed and I felt increasingly under attack, I can only assume that I made the conscious (or subconscious) realization that hiding my sexuality and maintaining my carefully-crafted facade was no longer necessary or worthwhile. To this day, I still can’t recall what exactly precipitated what would follow. Nonetheless, at some point, blurting out “Because I’m gay!” seemed like an acceptable response to some inquiry, as if that exclamation could ever be considered a natural segue in an argument about money.

My brother, perhaps out of shock, anger, or disgust, or simply because he wanted no further involvement in the discussion, left our rented condo, leaving my parents and I to deal with the new reality I’d spawned with three words. Tears abounded, as did the expected questions about how long I’d known, was I sure, and so on, coupled with, in many cases, the customary answers. Religion, politics, and our family’s values all entered the discussion as my parents struggled to understand and cope with what had happened and what they’d just learned. Over the course of nearly two hours, they began to accept that there was nothing that they could say or do now, or should have said or done in the past, that could change the fact that I’m gay.

My brother eventually returned, and after repeating a condensed version of much of what I’d told my parents in his absence, everyone went to bed. I, emotionally and physically exhausted from all that had transpired, had no trouble sleeping. Undoubtedly, the relief that came with the collapse of my now-unnecessary facade, and the knowledge that my parents still loved me regardless of this revelation, removed a great stressor that had disrupted my sleep for many years.

I can’t say that my interactions with my family have been without tension, or that their acceptance was immediate and all-encompassing, but I’ve been quite shocked with how well my parents and brother have responded. In due time, I truly believe that my sexuality will be thought of as just another characteristic that makes me who I am.

While recounting how I came out to my family has been cathartic, I’ve not done so for my benefit alone. I’ve also not done so to boast. More importantly, I hope to demonstrate to other closeted gays and lesbians that people can defy expectations in unexpected ways and, most importantly, that suicide is never the solution. Some who read this will have come out to family and been disowned and disconnected while others were embraced. Regardless of individual family circumstances, knowing that there is a strong, supportive, enduring community of LGBT individuals and allies should provide comfort and encouragement in the darkest of days.

One caveat is that, with the exception of the loan that led to the argument that ultimately caused me to come out to my family, I am fortunate enough to be wholly independent and self-sufficient. For some who are not (particularly younger readers) careful consideration must be given to how coming out might impact one’s life. Similarly, for those in dangerously-intolerant places, physical wellbeing should be the overriding factor in any decision to reveal one’s sexual orientation.

Stanley Cup and Bobby Orr

Erick — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 03:22:00 +0000

Five Reasons Why I Love Developing with WordPress

Erick — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 02:30:10 +0000

I’ve been using WordPress for a few years now, and since March, I’ve worked at C. Murray Consulting, where I primarily develop websites on WordPress and BuddyPress. Originally designed for blogging, recent upgrades have transformed WordPress into a full-featured content management system. Thanks largely to its humble roots, WordPress has a number of advantages over its competitors. Below are the top five I’ve identified as both a user and developer:

1. Ease of installation

In less than ten minutes, one can install WordPress and be ready to publish content. Installation involves just two steps: 1) specifying the database connection information and 2) naming the site and choosing a username and password. Many hosts offer one-click installation for WordPress, eliminating the need to download the software.

2. Intuitive user interface

The WordPress Administration area is straightforward and elegant, providing an easy-to-use interface for beginners. With features such as the Visual Editor, anyone familiar with basic word processing software will immediately recognize many of the formatting tools available in WordPress without needing to learn anything new. The major segments of the interface are clearly labeled and well organized, eliminating confusion over where most administrative tasks are completed. The Dashboard, where users first arrive when accessing the Administration interface, provides a concise overview of the WordPress instance and allows developers to place commonly-used features in plain sight.

3. Efficient coding

Thanks to its refined code structure, WordPress will run in just about any hosting environment. It doesn’t matter if you’re paying $5 or $500 per month for hosting, WordPress will function in either case so long as its basic software requirements are met. Great care is taken when adding new features to ensure that nothing unnecessary or burdensome is included in the core WordPress code.

As a developer, I can easily locate and review internal functions when looking to add features or change a default behavior thanks to the well-organized nature of WordPress’ code.

4. Extensibility

Out of the box, WordPress provides powerful tools for both blogging and basic content management. Add to that 11,845 plugins¹, 1,278 free themes², and hundreds of premium themes, and the possible uses of WordPress are innumerable. Extending WordPress’ native functionality is made simple and possible thanks to its Plugin API, which provides a variety of ways to alter and expand its behavior to meet almost any need.

5. Community

Key to WordPress’ success is the vibrancy of its community. From the members who develop and release the plugins and themes available at WordPress.org, to those who provide assistance in the WordPress.org forums and on the mailing lists, to those who organize WordCamps and WordPress meetups, support for new and experienced users alike is abundant. New features and the ongoing success of the platform are both directly attributable to the individuals who’ve dedicated themselves to using, supporting, and evangelizing WordPress.

As of October 30, 2010. See http://wordpress.org/extend/plugins/ for the latest number. ↩
As of October 30, 2010. See http://wordpress.org/extend/themes/ for the latest number. ↩

Tag Dropdown Widget V1.7 Just Released

Erick — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 23:08:06 +0000

For complete details on the latest release of my Tag Dropdown Widget plugin for WordPress, visit http://plugindev.ethitter.com/2010/08/tag-dropdown-widget-v1-7-now-available/.

The Art of Career Change

Erick — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 16:00:31 +0000

In the years since I began high school, I’ve pursued four distinct career paths, each so very different from the last that most people conclude that I’m insane when I list them.

I began high school set on a career in architecture, and I even took numerous courses that taught hand and computer-aided drafting, architecture terminology, and so on. By the beginning of my senior year, however, it was clear that architecture was the wrong career path for me. For one, I despised the tediousness of creating elevations, and I always seemed to struggle with floor plan layout. I would inevitably end up with some odd space that didn’t quite fit into any of the surrounding rooms, forcing me to call upon a classmate to assist me as I reworked the design. At the same time, thankfully, a hobby had developed into a full-time obsession and thus seemed like a logical career path.

So, as I looked toward college and what I expected would become my career, I set upon audio engineering as a viable path. As I mentioned, what began as a hobby turned into a weekend-consuming obsession that took priority over most everything else, including my junior prom. By the time I realized architecture wasn’t for me, I was traveling with a local band, working regularly at an area venue, and had run sound at a side stage for a large music festival. Thus, I sought out and found what I believed was a viable degree program at the University of Hartford that would prepare me for a long career as an audio engineer. Oh how I was mistaken.

Unfortunately, I did not realize how utterly deficient the University of Hartford’s Audio Engineering Technology program was until it was too late. Considering the dearth of programs I could transfer my credits to, and the lack of job prospects my overrated degree brought, I yet again contemplated a different career path. Looking over the non-engineering courses I’d taken at the University, I recognized that I had truly enjoyed the accounting courses taken as part of my minor in Business Administration. After speaking with the director of the University’s accounting department, I made the decision to pursue a Masters degree in accounting after completing my Bachelors in audio engineering.

After completing my degree programs, I quickly secured multiple job offers in the accounting industry, providing near-instant gratification that my third career change was a prudent decision. Everything seemed to be going fine until the recession of the late 2000s took its toll on the accounting firm that had employed me since graduation. In June 2009, near the peak of the unemployment crisis, I lost my job. For months I pursued another position in the accounting industry, only to find that positions did not exist. After all, I specialized in non-profit accounting, and the organizations that needed such expertise were disproportionately impacted by the recession.

Introducing WordPress 3, Featuring Custom Post Types, A Native Menu Editor, and More

Erick — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:00:56 +0000

The following first appeared on my employer’s site, cmurrayconsulting.com.

Today’s release of WordPress 3.0 brings some exciting enhancements and new features that strengthen the software’s position in the realm of content management systems. For developers such as us, two sets of features in particular should prove invaluable in implementing WordPress-based solutions for our clients.

First, version 3 expands WordPress beyond the traditional blogging constructs of posts and pages by allowing users to specify custom post types. These custom types can function either like posts, organized linearly, or like pages, having a hierarchical structure. This feature builds on the custom taxonomies introduced in WordPress 2.9, which let users expand the organizational options for content beyond just categories and tags. Now, combining custom post types with custom taxonomies, users have complete control over how content is organized and displayed.

Custom post types don’t just let users segregate press releases from product pages, for example, but also simplify the addition of fields specific to each post type. A product post type could include pricing and availability, whereas a press release could hold media contact information. Following this example, separate taxonomies can be assigned to each, reaffirming a clear organization of content.

Second, WordPress 3 brings a number of new theme functions that provide greater control and customization for end users, the most significant being a new menu management system. When enabled for the active theme, menus can be controlled entirely from with the administration interface. New menu items can easily be added, or new pages set to automatically appear in a given menu. Administrators can also reorder menu items in seconds by simply dragging and dropping them into place, add links to any desired address, and effortlessly link to specific category archive pages.

The latest version also supports custom header images that can be specified on a per-post (or per-custom-post-type) and per-page basis, allowing content creators to highlight a particular aspect of any given entry. Imagine, for example, being able to prominently feature a product’s branding atop its product page, while including a pertinent image atop a press release. By simply adding support for header images to one’s theme, the full capabilities of this new feature (and the built-in media uploader) are unlocked and available from the comfort and familiarity of the post edit screen.

These are just a few of the new features included in WordPress 3 that will be of particular usefulness to anyone building sites on the increasingly-popular content management system. In addition to the enhancements discussed here, this latest update corrects 1,200+ bugs and merges WordPress with its multi-blog sister WordPress MU.

For a complete rundown of the changes, including more details on the integration of WordPress MU into WordPress core, visit http://codex.wordpress.org/Version_3.0. Or, if you’d prefer, you can grab a copy of the latest release at http://wordpress.org/download/.

iPhone Coming to Verizon on June 26?

Erick — Sat, 01 May 2010 12:00:19 +0000

A few weeks ago, I stopped by my local Verizon Wireless store. In the course of conversation, the subject of the iPhone inevitably came up. Rather than the standard “I don’t know” response, the gentleman helping me gave a somewhat cryptic but clear response: “Someone, somewhere, is making an announcement on June 26.” Playing along (albeit a bit taken aback by his forthrightness), I mused that the person making this announcement might be wearing a turtleneck and tight jeans while standing on a starkly-black stage. The Verizon employee nodded affirmatively.

While I understand that rumors appear and disappear regularly on this subject, never before has an employee of Verizon Wireless provided such direct responses when I’ve brought up the iPhone’s availability on the carrier’s network. Some may respond with skepticism founded on doubts that store employees not at a managerial level would have such knowledge, but if the announcement does come on June 26, I can only suspect that Verizon’s preparations for the melee that will ensue include informing its entire staff of its plan for handling the throngs that will turn out for the device. The staff alone needed to process all of those individuals looking to transfer their service from AT&T will likely require a carefully coordinated effort on Verizon’s part.

Come the end of June, I can only hope that this rumor is confirmed as my upgrade eligibility date follows soon thereafter.

Congressional Actions Necessitate Professional Tax Preparers

Erick — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:03:24 +0000

With just over one month until individual income taxes must be filed with the IRS, Congress is yet again considering a last-minute change to tax laws that will only further complicate the preparation of 2009 income tax returns.

Following the earthquake in Chile, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee introduced legislation that would allow taxpayers to deduct on their 2009 income tax returns donations made in 2010 for Chilean earthquake relief. Congress took the same action in response to the earthquake that struck Haiti earlier this year.

When Congress makes last-minute changes like this, their action only further complicates an already mind-boggling system of taxation. Is it any surprise, then, that most Americans rely on professional tax preparers to file their annual income tax returns?

While the motivation may be noble—to encourage charitable contributions to aid those affected by natural disaster—the taxpayer ultimately sees no benefit from such a change. This is because deducting the donation in 2009 simply means it won’t be deducted in 2010¹.

In the end, if a taxpayer planned on donating to earthquake relief regardless of Congressional action, professional tax preparers are the only individuals who benefit from this legislation.

The legislation also assumes that the taxpayer isn’t taking the standard deduction, but instead itemizes. In many cases, filers who don’t own a home or incur significant medical expenses receive a greater benefit from the standard deduction. ↩

Foursquare’s Fail Whale

Erick — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:15:56 +0000

Foursquare, the location-based service where users check in and earn badges¹, is becoming a victim of its own success. Recently surpassing one million checkins per week, the service has experienced very short, intermittent interruptions.

Twice in the last two weeks, I’ve encountered Foursquare’s version of Twitter’s now-infamous “Fail Whale.” In Foursquare’s case, the outage notice depicts a a mayor² adorned with a cracked crown accompanied by the message, “Looks like we’ve got some problems on our end. We’re on it though – stay tuned!”

Granted, a short outage once a week is nothing to complain about, but it further confirms the service’s growing popularity.

Badges are awarded based on various accomplishments, such as checking in at 50 different venues or check in to one location with 50 or more people. ↩
Any Foursquare user who checks in to one location the most number of times in a two-month period is labeled the mayor of that location. ↩

Sirius|XM Premium Online Service Comes to BlackBerry

Erick — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 22:30:33 +0000

This past Thursday, Sirius|XM released its Premium Online streaming application for the BlackBerry Curve (8500 & 8900), Bold (9000 & 9700), Storm, Storm2 and Tour. As a longtime subscriber to Sirius (and, in the interest of full disclosure, a shareholder), I must admit I got overly excited about the announcement. My excitement waned, however, when I realized that a separate subscription is needed after the seven-day free trial.

Subscription

That a separate subscription is required for the streaming apps shouldn’t come as a surprise. For quite some time now, Sirius|XM has offered two tiers to the streams available on the combined broadcaster’s websites. For $2.99 per month, subscribers have access to both the Premium streams at sirius.com and xmradio.com, and the smartphone apps now available for the iPhone and newer BlackBerry models. On the upside, carriers haven’t placed any restrictions on the application, so it should be available via any US mobile provider¹ that offers a supported BlackBerry model.

Interface

In the few days I’ve had to test the new app, I must say it is well designed. The interface is attractive and well laid out. On my Storm, buttons are spaced far enough apart that there’s little risk I’ll choose the wrong option. There are two rather small buttons present when a station is playing, but they are placed on opposite sides of the screen. The first is a play/pause button roughly 1/8″ in diameter that appears above and to the left of the “now playing” information. The second is an information button of the same diameter appearing in the upper righthand corner of the same display. While the former’s purpose is self-evident, the latter presents a menu of the following options:

Channel detail – presents a short description of the selected channel, similar to what is available by visiting either the Sirius or XM websites.
Add or remove from favorites
Help Settings – it should probably read Help & Settings or Help/Settings as it brings the user to the Settings screen.
Subscription Options
Minimize
Exit
Close Menu

Centered on the screen below these two buttons is the name of the current channel, followed by the track name and artist. Along the bottom edge of the screen are five buttons:

Home
Categories
Channels
Favorites
Settings

Again, each of these buttons provides a self-evident function. Categories mirror those available on a satellite receiver, as do the channel names. To avoid confusion between the Sirius and XM channel numbering schemes, numbers are omitted entirely.

Channel Lineup

As best I can tell, every music channel available via a satellite receiver is accessible through the BlackBerry application. Most non-music channels are also available, with some exceptions. While an NPR channel is provided, it is neither NPR Now or NPR Talk, but instead a special lineup created just for the internet and smartphone services. Also missing are Howard Stern’s channels, but Sirius|XM Stars is present. For a complete lineup of channels, one must download the Sirius channel guide from http://www.sirius.com/pdf/channelguide.pdf and look for a small blue dot to the right of each channel. If the dot is missing, the channel is not available.

When browsing the channel lineup, the track currently playing on each station is displayed, providing a preview of what you might expect to hear on a given channel. Adding a particular channel to the Favorites list is as simple as pressing the BlackBerry button and selecting “Add to Favorites.”

Audio Quality

As for the audio quality, I was surprised by how good the streams sound. The quality is on par with both the Pandora and Slacker Radio applications available for BlackBerry, which, considering that I am listening through a small mobile phone speaker, is a positive sign. The application buffers a respectable portion of a selected channel, so even in areas of poor wireless coverage, the stream generally continues uninterrupted.

Battery Life

Not surprisingly, the application does drain the battery fairly quickly, though no faster than similar offerings from Pandora or Slacker. In just under two hours of testing, my BlackBerry was ready to be recharged.

Conclusion

While visually appealing and quite functional, in my opinion, the Sirius|XM BlackBerry app is only worthwhile for the access to sports, talk, news, and entertainment programming it provides. That being said, I do not often listen to the non-music programming available through Sirius, and certainly not with enough regularity to justify access to that content via my BlackBerry.

Though I enjoy the variety of music available through Sirius|XM, with no-fee competitors such as Pandora and Slacker Radio, I cannot justify spending $2.99 per month for the premium streaming service.

The fee notwithstanding, I rarely use Pandora on my phone, further reducing the likelihood I would listen to music via the Sirius|XM application often enough for a subscription to be a sensible investment.

Screenshots copyright Sirius|XM Satellite Radio

The Terms of Service indicate that the Premium Online service is only available to subscribers in the “48 Contiguous United States, the District of Columbia, and for SIRIUS subscribers only, Puerto Rico.” As the Canadian units are still independent companies, I am not entirely surprised that the service isn’t available there. ↩